From 91ed484f92040e5c2006a3a00ec77a54d552cf37 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: kou Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2010 13:14:14 +0000 Subject: * test/rexml/: import REXML tests from http://www.germane-software.com/repos/rexml/trunk/test/. Many tests are failed temporary. I'll fix them quickly. Sorry. git-svn-id: svn+ssh://ci.ruby-lang.org/ruby/trunk@29282 b2dd03c8-39d4-4d8f-98ff-823fe69b080e --- test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml | 6850 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 6850 insertions(+) create mode 100644 test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml (limited to 'test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml') diff --git a/test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml b/test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml new file mode 100644 index 0000000000..f008fadbb0 --- /dev/null +++ b/test/rexml/data/much_ado.xml @@ -0,0 +1,6850 @@ + + +Much Ado about Nothing + + +

Text placed in the public domain by Moby Lexical Tools, 1992.

+

SGML markup by Jon Bosak, 1992-1994.

+

XML version by Jon Bosak, 1996-1998.

+

This work may be freely copied and distributed worldwide.

+ + + + +Dramatis Personae + +DON PEDRO, prince of Arragon. +DON JOHN, his bastard brother. +CLAUDIO, a young lord of Florence. +BENEDICK, a young lord of Padua. +LEONATO, governor of Messina. +ANTONIO, his brother. +BALTHASAR, attendant on Don Pedro. + + +CONRADE +BORACHIO +followers of Don John. + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +DOGBERRY, a constable. +VERGES, a headborough. +A Sexton. +A Boy. +HERO, daughter to Leonato. +BEATRICE, niece to Leonato. + + +MARGARET +URSULA +gentlewomen attending on Hero. + + +Messengers, Watch, Attendants, &c. + + +SCENE Messina. + +MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING + +ACT I + +SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house. +Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a +Messenger + + +LEONATO +I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon +comes this night to Messina. + + + +Messenger +He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off +when I left him. + + + +LEONATO +How many gentlemen have you lost in this action? + + + +Messenger +But few of any sort, and none of name. + + + +LEONATO +A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings +home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath +bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio. + + + +Messenger +Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by +Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the +promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb, +the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better +bettered expectation than you must expect of me to +tell you how. + + + +LEONATO +He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much +glad of it. + + + +Messenger +I have already delivered him letters, and there +appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could +not show itself modest enough without a badge of +bitterness. + + + +LEONATO +Did he break out into tears? + + + +Messenger +In great measure. + + + +LEONATO +A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces +truer than those that are so washed. How much +better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping! + + + +BEATRICE +I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the +wars or no? + + + +Messenger +I know none of that name, lady: there was none such +in the army of any sort. + + + +LEONATO +What is he that you ask for, niece? + + + +HERO +My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua. + + + +Messenger +O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was. + + + +BEATRICE +He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged +Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading +the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged +him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he +killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath +he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing. + + + +LEONATO +Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; +but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not. + + + +Messenger +He hath done good service, lady, in these wars. + + + +BEATRICE +You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it: +he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an +excellent stomach. + + + +Messenger +And a good soldier too, lady. + + + +BEATRICE +And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord? + + + +Messenger +A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all +honourable virtues. + + + +BEATRICE +It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man: +but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal. + + + +LEONATO +You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a +kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her: +they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit +between them. + + + +BEATRICE +Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last +conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and +now is the whole man governed with one: so that if +he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him +bear it for a difference between himself and his +horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left, +to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his +companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother. + + + +Messenger +Is't possible? + + + +BEATRICE +Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as +the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the +next block. + + + +Messenger +I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books. + + + +BEATRICE +No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray +you, who is his companion? Is there no young +squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil? + + + +Messenger +He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio. + + + +BEATRICE +O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he +is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker +runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if +he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a +thousand pound ere a' be cured. + + + +Messenger +I will hold friends with you, lady. + + + +BEATRICE +Do, good friend. + + + +LEONATO +You will never run mad, niece. + + + +BEATRICE +No, not till a hot January. + + + +Messenger +Don Pedro is approached. + + + +Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, +and BALTHASAR + + +DON PEDRO +Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your +trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid +cost, and you encounter it. + + + +LEONATO +Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of +your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should +remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides +and happiness takes his leave. + + + +DON PEDRO +You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this +is your daughter. + + + +LEONATO +Her mother hath many times told me so. + + + +BENEDICK +Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her? + + + +LEONATO +Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child. + + + +DON PEDRO +You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this +what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers +herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an +honourable father. + + + +BENEDICK +If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not +have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as +like him as she is. + + + +BEATRICE +I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior +Benedick: nobody marks you. + + + +BENEDICK +What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living? + + + +BEATRICE +Is it possible disdain should die while she hath +such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? +Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come +in her presence. + + + +BENEDICK +Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I +am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I +would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard +heart; for, truly, I love none. + + + +BEATRICE +A dear happiness to women: they would else have +been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God +and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I +had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man +swear he loves me. + + + +BENEDICK +God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some +gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate +scratched face. + + + +BEATRICE +Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such +a face as yours were. + + + +BENEDICK +Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. + + + +BEATRICE +A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours. + + + +BENEDICK +I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and +so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's +name; I have done. + + + +BEATRICE +You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old. + + + +DON PEDRO +That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio +and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath +invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at +the least a month; and he heartily prays some +occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no +hypocrite, but prays from his heart. + + + +LEONATO +If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. +To DON JOHN +Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to +the prince your brother, I owe you all duty. + + + +DON JOHN +I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank +you. + + + +LEONATO +Please it your grace lead on? + + + +DON PEDRO +Your hand, Leonato; we will go together. + + + +Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO + + +CLAUDIO +Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato? + + + +BENEDICK +I noted her not; but I looked on her. + + + +CLAUDIO +Is she not a modest young lady? + + + +BENEDICK +Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for +my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak +after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex? + + + +CLAUDIO +No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment. + + + +BENEDICK +Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high +praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little +for a great praise: only this commendation I can +afford her, that were she other than she is, she +were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I +do not like her. + + + +CLAUDIO +Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me +truly how thou likest her. + + + +BENEDICK +Would you buy her, that you inquire after her? + + + +CLAUDIO +Can the world buy such a jewel? + + + +BENEDICK +Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this +with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack, +to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a +rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take +you, to go in the song? + + + +CLAUDIO +In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I +looked on. + + + +BENEDICK +I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such +matter: there's her cousin, an she were not +possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty +as the first of May doth the last of December. But I +hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you? + + + +CLAUDIO +I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the +contrary, if Hero would be my wife. + + + +BENEDICK +Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world +one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion? +Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again? +Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck +into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away +Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you. + + + +Re-enter DON PEDRO + + +DON PEDRO +What secret hath held you here, that you followed +not to Leonato's? + + + +BENEDICK +I would your grace would constrain me to tell. + + + +DON PEDRO +I charge thee on thy allegiance. + + + +BENEDICK +You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb +man; I would have you think so; but, on my +allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is +in love. With who? now that is your grace's part. +Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's +short daughter. + + + +CLAUDIO +If this were so, so were it uttered. + + + +BENEDICK +Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor +'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be +so.' + + + +CLAUDIO +If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it +should be otherwise. + + + +DON PEDRO +Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy. + + + +CLAUDIO +You speak this to fetch me in, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +By my troth, I speak my thought. + + + +CLAUDIO +And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine. + + + +BENEDICK +And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine. + + + +CLAUDIO +That I love her, I feel. + + + +DON PEDRO +That she is worthy, I know. + + + +BENEDICK +That I neither feel how she should be loved nor +know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that +fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake. + + + +DON PEDRO +Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite +of beauty. + + + +CLAUDIO +And never could maintain his part but in the force +of his will. + + + +BENEDICK +That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she +brought me up, I likewise give her most humble +thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my +forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, +all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do +them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the +right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which +I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor. + + + +DON PEDRO +I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love. + + + +BENEDICK +With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, +not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood +with love than I will get again with drinking, pick +out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me +up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of +blind Cupid. + + + +DON PEDRO +Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou +wilt prove a notable argument. + + + +BENEDICK +If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot +at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on +the shoulder, and called Adam. + + + +DON PEDRO +Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull +doth bear the yoke.' + + + +BENEDICK +The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible +Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set +them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted, +and in such great letters as they write 'Here is +good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign +'Here you may see Benedick the married man.' + + + +CLAUDIO +If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad. + + + +DON PEDRO +Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in +Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly. + + + +BENEDICK +I look for an earthquake too, then. + + + +DON PEDRO +Well, you temporize with the hours. In the +meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to +Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will +not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made +great preparation. + + + +BENEDICK +I have almost matter enough in me for such an +embassage; and so I commit you-- + + + +CLAUDIO +To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,-- + + + +DON PEDRO +The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick. + + + +BENEDICK +Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your +discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and +the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere +you flout old ends any further, examine your +conscience: and so I leave you. + + + +Exit + + +CLAUDIO +My liege, your highness now may do me good. + + + +DON PEDRO +My love is thine to teach: teach it but how, +And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn +Any hard lesson that may do thee good. + + + +CLAUDIO +Hath Leonato any son, my lord? + + + +DON PEDRO +No child but Hero; she's his only heir. +Dost thou affect her, Claudio? + + + +CLAUDIO +O, my lord, +When you went onward on this ended action, +I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye, +That liked, but had a rougher task in hand +Than to drive liking to the name of love: +But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts +Have left their places vacant, in their rooms +Come thronging soft and delicate desires, +All prompting me how fair young Hero is, +Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars. + + + +DON PEDRO +Thou wilt be like a lover presently +And tire the hearer with a book of words. +If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, +And I will break with her and with her father, +And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end +That thou began'st to twist so fine a story? + + + +CLAUDIO +How sweetly you do minister to love, +That know love's grief by his complexion! +But lest my liking might too sudden seem, +I would have salved it with a longer treatise. + + + +DON PEDRO +What need the bridge much broader than the flood? +The fairest grant is the necessity. +Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest, +And I will fit thee with the remedy. +I know we shall have revelling to-night: +I will assume thy part in some disguise +And tell fair Hero I am Claudio, +And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart +And take her hearing prisoner with the force +And strong encounter of my amorous tale: +Then after to her father will I break; +And the conclusion is, she shall be thine. +In practise let us put it presently. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE II. A room in LEONATO's house. +Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting + + +LEONATO +How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son? +hath he provided this music? + + + +ANTONIO +He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell +you strange news that you yet dreamt not of. + + + +LEONATO +Are they good? + + + +ANTONIO +As the event stamps them: but they have a good +cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count +Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine +orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine: +the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my +niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it +this night in a dance: and if he found her +accordant, he meant to take the present time by the +top and instantly break with you of it. + + + +LEONATO +Hath the fellow any wit that told you this? + + + +ANTONIO +A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and +question him yourself. + + + +LEONATO +No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear +itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal, +that she may be the better prepared for an answer, +if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it. +Enter Attendants +Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you +mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your +skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE III. The same. +Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE + + +CONRADE +What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out +of measure sad? + + + +DON JOHN +There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; +therefore the sadness is without limit. + + + +CONRADE +You should hear reason. + + + +DON JOHN +And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it? + + + +CONRADE +If not a present remedy, at least a patient +sufferance. + + + +DON JOHN +I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art, +born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral +medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide +what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile +at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait +for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and +tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and +claw no man in his humour. + + + +CONRADE +Yea, but you must not make the full show of this +till you may do it without controlment. You have of +late stood out against your brother, and he hath +ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is +impossible you should take true root but by the +fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful +that you frame the season for your own harvest. + + + +DON JOHN +I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in +his grace, and it better fits my blood to be +disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob +love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to +be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied +but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with +a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I +have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my +mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do +my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and +seek not to alter me. + + + +CONRADE +Can you make no use of your discontent? + + + +DON JOHN +I make all use of it, for I use it only. +Who comes here? +Enter BORACHIO +What news, Borachio? + + + +BORACHIO +I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your +brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I +can give you intelligence of an intended marriage. + + + +DON JOHN +Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? +What is he for a fool that betroths himself to +unquietness? + + + +BORACHIO +Marry, it is your brother's right hand. + + + +DON JOHN +Who? the most exquisite Claudio? + + + +BORACHIO +Even he. + + + +DON JOHN +A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks +he? + + + +BORACHIO +Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato. + + + +DON JOHN +A very forward March-chick! How came you to this? + + + +BORACHIO +Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a +musty room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand +in hand in sad conference: I whipt me behind the +arras; and there heard it agreed upon that the +prince should woo Hero for himself, and having +obtained her, give her to Count Claudio. + + + +DON JOHN +Come, come, let us thither: this may prove food to +my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the +glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I +bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me? + + + +CONRADE +To the death, my lord. + + + +DON JOHN +Let us to the great supper: their cheer is the +greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were of +my mind! Shall we go prove what's to be done? + + + +BORACHIO +We'll wait upon your lordship. + + + +Exeunt + + + + +ACT II + +SCENE I. A hall in LEONATO'S house. +Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others + + +LEONATO +Was not Count John here at supper? + + + +ANTONIO +I saw him not. + + + +BEATRICE +How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see +him but I am heart-burned an hour after. + + + +HERO +He is of a very melancholy disposition. + + + +BEATRICE +He were an excellent man that were made just in the +midway between him and Benedick: the one is too +like an image and says nothing, and the other too +like my lady's eldest son, evermore tattling. + + + +LEONATO +Then half Signior Benedick's tongue in Count John's +mouth, and half Count John's melancholy in Signior +Benedick's face,-- + + + +BEATRICE +With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money +enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman +in the world, if a' could get her good-will. + + + +LEONATO +By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a +husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue. + + + +ANTONIO +In faith, she's too curst. + + + +BEATRICE +Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's +sending that way; for it is said, 'God sends a curst +cow short horns;' but to a cow too curst he sends none. + + + +LEONATO +So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns. + + + +BEATRICE +Just, if he send me no husband; for the which +blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and +evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a +beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen. + + + +LEONATO +You may light on a husband that hath no beard. + + + +BEATRICE +What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel +and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a +beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no +beard is less than a man: and he that is more than +a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a +man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take +sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his +apes into hell. + + + +LEONATO +Well, then, go you into hell? + + + +BEATRICE +No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet +me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and +say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to +heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver +I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the +heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and +there live we as merry as the day is long. + + + +ANTONIO +To HERO Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled +by your father. + + + +BEATRICE +Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make curtsy +and say 'Father, as it please you.' But yet for all +that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else +make another curtsy and say 'Father, as it please +me.' + + + +LEONATO +Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. + + + +BEATRICE +Not till God make men of some other metal than +earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be +overmastered with a pierce of valiant dust? to make +an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? +No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren; +and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred. + + + +LEONATO +Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince +do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer. + + + +BEATRICE +The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be +not wooed in good time: if the prince be too +important, tell him there is measure in every thing +and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero: +wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig, +a measure, and a cinque pace: the first suit is hot +and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as +fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a +measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes +repentance and, with his bad legs, falls into the +cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave. + + + +LEONATO +Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly. + + + +BEATRICE +I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight. + + + +LEONATO +The revellers are entering, brother: make good room. + + +All put on their masks +Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, BALTHASAR, +DON JOHN, BORACHIO, MARGARET, URSULA and others, masked + + +DON PEDRO +Lady, will you walk about with your friend? + + + +HERO +So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing, +I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away. + + + +DON PEDRO +With me in your company? + + + +HERO +I may say so, when I please. + + + +DON PEDRO +And when please you to say so? + + + +HERO +When I like your favour; for God defend the lute +should be like the case! + + + +DON PEDRO +My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove. + + + +HERO +Why, then, your visor should be thatched. + + + +DON PEDRO +Speak low, if you speak love. + + + +Drawing her aside + + +BALTHASAR +Well, I would you did like me. + + + +MARGARET +So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many +ill-qualities. + + + +BALTHASAR +Which is one? + + + +MARGARET +I say my prayers aloud. + + + +BALTHASAR +I love you the better: the hearers may cry, Amen. + + + +MARGARET +God match me with a good dancer! + + + +BALTHASAR +Amen. + + + +MARGARET +And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is +done! Answer, clerk. + + + +BALTHASAR +No more words: the clerk is answered. + + + +URSULA +I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio. + + + +ANTONIO +At a word, I am not. + + + +URSULA +I know you by the waggling of your head. + + + +ANTONIO +To tell you true, I counterfeit him. + + + +URSULA +You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were +the very man. Here's his dry hand up and down: you +are he, you are he. + + + +ANTONIO +At a word, I am not. + + + +URSULA +Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your +excellent wit? can virtue hide itself? Go to, +mum, you are he: graces will appear, and there's an +end. + + + +BEATRICE +Will you not tell me who told you so? + + + +BENEDICK +No, you shall pardon me. + + + +BEATRICE +Nor will you not tell me who you are? + + + +BENEDICK +Not now. + + + +BEATRICE +That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit +out of the 'Hundred Merry Tales:'--well this was +Signior Benedick that said so. + + + +BENEDICK +What's he? + + + +BEATRICE +I am sure you know him well enough. + + + +BENEDICK +Not I, believe me. + + + +BEATRICE +Did he never make you laugh? + + + +BENEDICK +I pray you, what is he? + + + +BEATRICE +Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool; +only his gift is in devising impossible slanders: +none but libertines delight in him; and the +commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany; +for he both pleases men and angers them, and then +they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in +the fleet: I would he had boarded me. + + + +BENEDICK +When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say. + + + +BEATRICE +Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me; +which, peradventure not marked or not laughed at, +strikes him into melancholy; and then there's a +partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no +supper that night. +Music +We must follow the leaders. + + + +BENEDICK +In every good thing. + + + +BEATRICE +Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at +the next turning. + + + +Dance. Then exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, +and CLAUDIO + + +DON JOHN +Sure my brother is amorous on Hero and hath +withdrawn her father to break with him about it. +The ladies follow her and but one visor remains. + + + +BORACHIO +And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing. + + + +DON JOHN +Are not you Signior Benedick? + + + +CLAUDIO +You know me well; I am he. + + + +DON JOHN +Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: +he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him +from her: she is no equal for his birth: you may +do the part of an honest man in it. + + + +CLAUDIO +How know you he loves her? + + + +DON JOHN +I heard him swear his affection. + + + +BORACHIO +So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night. + + + +DON JOHN +Come, let us to the banquet. + + + +Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO + + +CLAUDIO +Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, +But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. +'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself. +Friendship is constant in all other things +Save in the office and affairs of love: +Therefore, all hearts in love use their own tongues; +Let every eye negotiate for itself +And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch +Against whose charms faith melteth into blood. +This is an accident of hourly proof, +Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero! + + + +Re-enter BENEDICK + + +BENEDICK +Count Claudio? + + + +CLAUDIO +Yea, the same. + + + +BENEDICK +Come, will you go with me? + + + +CLAUDIO +Whither? + + + +BENEDICK +Even to the next willow, about your own business, +county. What fashion will you wear the garland of? +about your neck, like an usurer's chain? or under +your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear +it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero. + + + +CLAUDIO +I wish him joy of her. + + + +BENEDICK +Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they +sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would +have served you thus? + + + +CLAUDIO +I pray you, leave me. + + + +BENEDICK +Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the +boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post. + + + +CLAUDIO +If it will not be, I'll leave you. + + + +Exit + + +BENEDICK +Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges. +But that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not +know me! The prince's fool! Ha? It may be I go +under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I +am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it +is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice +that puts the world into her person and so gives me +out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may. + + + +Re-enter DON PEDRO + + +DON PEDRO +Now, signior, where's the count? did you see him? + + + +BENEDICK +Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. +I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a +warren: I told him, and I think I told him true, +that your grace had got the good will of this young +lady; and I offered him my company to a willow-tree, +either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or +to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped. + + + +DON PEDRO +To be whipped! What's his fault? + + + +BENEDICK +The flat transgression of a schoolboy, who, being +overjoyed with finding a birds' nest, shows it his +companion, and he steals it. + + + +DON PEDRO +Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The +transgression is in the stealer. + + + +BENEDICK +Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, +and the garland too; for the garland he might have +worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on +you, who, as I take it, have stolen his birds' nest. + + + +DON PEDRO +I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to +the owner. + + + +BENEDICK +If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, +you say honestly. + + + +DON PEDRO +The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the +gentleman that danced with her told her she is much +wronged by you. + + + +BENEDICK +O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! +an oak but with one green leaf on it would have +answered her; my very visor began to assume life and +scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been +myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was +duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest +with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood +like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at +me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs: +if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, +there were no living near her; she would infect to +the north star. I would not marry her, though she +were endowed with all that Adam bad left him before +he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have +turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make +the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find +her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God +some scholar would conjure her; for certainly, while +she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a +sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they +would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror +and perturbation follows her. + + + +DON PEDRO +Look, here she comes. + + + +Enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO + + +BENEDICK +Will your grace command me any service to the +world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now +to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on; +I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the +furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of +Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great +Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies, +rather than hold three words' conference with this +harpy. You have no employment for me? + + + +DON PEDRO +None, but to desire your good company. + + + +BENEDICK +O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot +endure my Lady Tongue. + + + +Exit + + +DON PEDRO +Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of +Signior Benedick. + + + +BEATRICE +Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave +him use for it, a double heart for his single one: +marry, once before he won it of me with false dice, +therefore your grace may well say I have lost it. + + + +DON PEDRO +You have put him down, lady, you have put him down. + + + +BEATRICE +So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I +should prove the mother of fools. I have brought +Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek. + + + +DON PEDRO +Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad? + + + +CLAUDIO +Not sad, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +How then? sick? + + + +CLAUDIO +Neither, my lord. + + + +BEATRICE +The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor +well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and +something of that jealous complexion. + + + +DON PEDRO +I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; +though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is +false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and +fair Hero is won: I have broke with her father, +and his good will obtained: name the day of +marriage, and God give thee joy! + + + +LEONATO +Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my +fortunes: his grace hath made the match, and an +grace say Amen to it. + + + +BEATRICE +Speak, count, 'tis your cue. + + + +CLAUDIO +Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were +but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as +you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for +you and dote upon the exchange. + + + +BEATRICE +Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth +with a kiss, and let not him speak neither. + + + +DON PEDRO +In faith, lady, you have a merry heart. + + + +BEATRICE +Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on +the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his +ear that he is in her heart. + + + +CLAUDIO +And so she doth, cousin. + + + +BEATRICE +Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the +world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a +corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband! + + + +DON PEDRO +Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. + + + +BEATRICE +I would rather have one of your father's getting. +Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your +father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them. + + + +DON PEDRO +Will you have me, lady? + + + +BEATRICE +No, my lord, unless I might have another for +working-days: your grace is too costly to wear +every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I +was born to speak all mirth and no matter. + + + +DON PEDRO +Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best +becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in +a merry hour. + + + +BEATRICE +No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there +was a star danced, and under that was I born. +Cousins, God give you joy! + + + +LEONATO +Niece, will you look to those things I told you of? + + + +BEATRICE +I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's pardon. + + + +Exit + + +DON PEDRO +By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. + + + +LEONATO +There's little of the melancholy element in her, my +lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps, and +not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say, +she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked +herself with laughing. + + + +DON PEDRO +She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. + + + +LEONATO +O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit. + + + +DON PEDRO +She were an excellent wife for Benedict. + + + +LEONATO +O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, +they would talk themselves mad. + + + +DON PEDRO +County Claudio, when mean you to go to church? + + + +CLAUDIO +To-morrow, my lord: time goes on crutches till love +have all his rites. + + + +LEONATO +Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just +seven-night; and a time too brief, too, to have all +things answer my mind. + + + +DON PEDRO +Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing: +but, I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go +dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of +Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior +Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of +affection the one with the other. I would fain have +it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion it, if +you three will but minister such assistance as I +shall give you direction. + + + +LEONATO +My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten +nights' watchings. + + + +CLAUDIO +And I, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +And you too, gentle Hero? + + + +HERO +I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my +cousin to a good husband. + + + +DON PEDRO +And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that +I know. Thus far can I praise him; he is of a noble +strain, of approved valour and confirmed honesty. I +will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she +shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your +two helps, will so practise on Benedick that, in +despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he +shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, +Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be +ours, for we are the only love-gods. Go in with me, +and I will tell you my drift. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE II. The same. +Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO + + +DON JOHN +It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the +daughter of Leonato. + + + +BORACHIO +Yea, my lord; but I can cross it. + + + +DON JOHN +Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be +medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him, +and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges +evenly with mine. How canst thou cross this marriage? + + + +BORACHIO +Not honestly, my lord; but so covertly that no +dishonesty shall appear in me. + + + +DON JOHN +Show me briefly how. + + + +BORACHIO +I think I told your lordship a year since, how much +I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting +gentlewoman to Hero. + + + +DON JOHN +I remember. + + + +BORACHIO +I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, +appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window. + + + +DON JOHN +What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage? + + + +BORACHIO +The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to +the prince your brother; spare not to tell him that +he hath wronged his honour in marrying the renowned +Claudio--whose estimation do you mightily hold +up--to a contaminated stale, such a one as Hero. + + + +DON JOHN +What proof shall I make of that? + + + +BORACHIO +Proof enough to misuse the prince, to vex Claudio, +to undo Hero and kill Leonato. Look you for any +other issue? + + + +DON JOHN +Only to despite them, I will endeavour any thing. + + + +BORACHIO +Go, then; find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and +the Count Claudio alone: tell them that you know +that Hero loves me; intend a kind of zeal both to the +prince and Claudio, as,--in love of your brother's +honour, who hath made this match, and his friend's +reputation, who is thus like to be cozened with the +semblance of a maid,--that you have discovered +thus. They will scarcely believe this without trial: +offer them instances; which shall bear no less +likelihood than to see me at her chamber-window, +hear me call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me +Claudio; and bring them to see this the very night +before the intended wedding,--for in the meantime I +will so fashion the matter that Hero shall be +absent,--and there shall appear such seeming truth +of Hero's disloyalty that jealousy shall be called +assurance and all the preparation overthrown. + + + +DON JOHN +Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put +it in practise. Be cunning in the working this, and +thy fee is a thousand ducats. + + + +BORACHIO +Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning +shall not shame me. + + + +DON JOHN +I will presently go learn their day of marriage. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE III. LEONATO'S orchard. +Enter BENEDICK + + +BENEDICK +Boy! + + + +Enter Boy + + +Boy +Signior? + + + +BENEDICK +In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither +to me in the orchard. + + + +Boy +I am here already, sir. + + + +BENEDICK +I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again. +Exit Boy +I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much +another man is a fool when he dedicates his +behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at +such shallow follies in others, become the argument +of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man +is Claudio. I have known when there was no music +with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he +rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known +when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a +good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake, +carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to +speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man +and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his +words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many +strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with +these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not +be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but +I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster +of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman +is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am +well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all +graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in +my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise, +or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her; +fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not +near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good +discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall +be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and +Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour. + + +Withdraws +Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO + + +DON PEDRO +Come, shall we hear this music? + + + +CLAUDIO +Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is, +As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony! + + + +DON PEDRO +See you where Benedick hath hid himself? + + + +CLAUDIO +O, very well, my lord: the music ended, +We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth. + + + +Enter BALTHASAR with Music + + +DON PEDRO +Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again. + + + +BALTHASAR +O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice +To slander music any more than once. + + + +DON PEDRO +It is the witness still of excellency +To put a strange face on his own perfection. +I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more. + + + +BALTHASAR +Because you talk of wooing, I will sing; +Since many a wooer doth commence his suit +To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes, +Yet will he swear he loves. + + + +DON PEDRO +Now, pray thee, come; +Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument, +Do it in notes. + + + +BALTHASAR +Note this before my notes; +There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting. + + + +DON PEDRO +Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks; +Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing. + + + +Air + + +BENEDICK +Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it +not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out +of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when +all's done. + + + +The Song + + +BALTHASAR +Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, +Men were deceivers ever, +One foot in sea and one on shore, +To one thing constant never: +Then sigh not so, but let them go, +And be you blithe and bonny, +Converting all your sounds of woe +Into Hey nonny, nonny. +Sing no more ditties, sing no moe, +Of dumps so dull and heavy; +The fraud of men was ever so, +Since summer first was leafy: +Then sigh not so, &c. + + + +DON PEDRO +By my troth, a good song. + + + +BALTHASAR +And an ill singer, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift. + + + +BENEDICK +An he had been a dog that should have howled thus, +they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad +voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the +night-raven, come what plague could have come after +it. + + + +DON PEDRO +Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee, +get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we +would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber-window. + + + +BALTHASAR +The best I can, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +Do so: farewell. +Exit BALTHASAR +Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of +to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with +Signior Benedick? + + + +CLAUDIO +O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did +never think that lady would have loved any man. + + + +LEONATO +No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she +should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in +all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor. + + + +BENEDICK +Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner? + + + +LEONATO +By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think +of it but that she loves him with an enraged +affection: it is past the infinite of thought. + + + +DON PEDRO +May be she doth but counterfeit. + + + +CLAUDIO +Faith, like enough. + + + +LEONATO +O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of +passion came so near the life of passion as she +discovers it. + + + +DON PEDRO +Why, what effects of passion shows she? + + + +CLAUDIO +Bait the hook well; this fish will bite. + + + +LEONATO +What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard +my daughter tell you how. + + + +CLAUDIO +She did, indeed. + + + +DON PEDRO +How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I +thought her spirit had been invincible against all +assaults of affection. + + + +LEONATO +I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially +against Benedick. + + + +BENEDICK +I should think this a gull, but that the +white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot, +sure, hide himself in such reverence. + + + +CLAUDIO +He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up. + + + +DON PEDRO +Hath she made her affection known to Benedick? + + + +LEONATO +No; and swears she never will: that's her torment. + + + +CLAUDIO +'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall +I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him +with scorn, write to him that I love him?' + + + +LEONATO +This says she now when she is beginning to write to +him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and +there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a +sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all. + + + +CLAUDIO +Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a +pretty jest your daughter told us of. + + + +LEONATO +O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she +found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet? + + + +CLAUDIO +That. + + + +LEONATO +O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence; +railed at herself, that she should be so immodest +to write to one that she knew would flout her; 'I +measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I +should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I +love him, I should.' + + + +CLAUDIO +Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, +beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O +sweet Benedick! God give me patience!' + + + +LEONATO +She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the +ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter +is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage +to herself: it is very true. + + + +DON PEDRO +It were good that Benedick knew of it by some +other, if she will not discover it. + + + +CLAUDIO +To what end? He would make but a sport of it and +torment the poor lady worse. + + + +DON PEDRO +An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an +excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion, +she is virtuous. + + + +CLAUDIO +And she is exceeding wise. + + + +DON PEDRO +In every thing but in loving Benedick. + + + +LEONATO +O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender +a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath +the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just +cause, being her uncle and her guardian. + + + +DON PEDRO +I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I would +have daffed all other respects and made her half +myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear +what a' will say. + + + +LEONATO +Were it good, think you? + + + +CLAUDIO +Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she +will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere +she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo +her, rather than she will bate one breath of her +accustomed crossness. + + + +DON PEDRO +She doth well: if she should make tender of her +love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the +man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit. + + + +CLAUDIO +He is a very proper man. + + + +DON PEDRO +He hath indeed a good outward happiness. + + + +CLAUDIO +Before God! and, in my mind, very wise. + + + +DON PEDRO +He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit. + + + +CLAUDIO +And I take him to be valiant. + + + +DON PEDRO +As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of +quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he +avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes +them with a most Christian-like fear. + + + +LEONATO +If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace: +if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a +quarrel with fear and trembling. + + + +DON PEDRO +And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, +howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests +he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall +we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love? + + + +CLAUDIO +Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with +good counsel. + + + +LEONATO +Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first. + + + +DON PEDRO +Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter: +let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I +could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see +how much he is unworthy so good a lady. + + + +LEONATO +My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready. + + + +CLAUDIO +If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never +trust my expectation. + + + +DON PEDRO +Let there be the same net spread for her; and that +must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The +sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of +another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the +scene that I would see, which will be merely a +dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner. + + + +Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO + + +BENEDICK +Coming forward This can be no trick: the +conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of +this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it +seems her affections have their full bent. Love me! +why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: +they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive +the love come from her; they say too that she will +rather die than give any sign of affection. I did +never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy +are they that hear their detractions and can put +them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a +truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis +so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving +me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor +no great argument of her folly, for I will be +horribly in love with her. I may chance have some +odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, +because I have railed so long against marriage: but +doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat +in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. +Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of +the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? +No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would +die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I +were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! +she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in +her. + + + +Enter BEATRICE + + +BEATRICE +Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner. + + + +BENEDICK +Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains. + + + +BEATRICE +I took no more pains for those thanks than you take +pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would +not have come. + + + +BENEDICK +You take pleasure then in the message? + + + +BEATRICE +Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's +point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, +signior: fare you well. + + + +Exit + + +BENEDICK +Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in +to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took +no more pains for those thanks than you took pains +to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains +that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do +not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not +love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture. + + + +Exit + + + + +ACT III + +SCENE I. LEONATO'S garden. +Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA + + +HERO +Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor; +There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice +Proposing with the prince and Claudio: +Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula +Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse +Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us; +And bid her steal into the pleached bower, +Where honeysuckles, ripen'd by the sun, +Forbid the sun to enter, like favourites, +Made proud by princes, that advance their pride +Against that power that bred it: there will she hide her, +To listen our purpose. This is thy office; +Bear thee well in it and leave us alone. + + + +MARGARET +I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently. + + + +Exit + + +HERO +Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, +As we do trace this alley up and down, +Our talk must only be of Benedick. +When I do name him, let it be thy part +To praise him more than ever man did merit: +My talk to thee must be how Benedick +Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter +Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made, +That only wounds by hearsay. +Enter BEATRICE, behind +Now begin; +For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs +Close by the ground, to hear our conference. + + + +URSULA +The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish +Cut with her golden oars the silver stream, +And greedily devour the treacherous bait: +So angle we for Beatrice; who even now +Is couched in the woodbine coverture. +Fear you not my part of the dialogue. + + + +HERO +Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing +Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it. +Approaching the bower +No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful; +I know her spirits are as coy and wild +As haggerds of the rock. + + + +URSULA +But are you sure +That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely? + + + +HERO +So says the prince and my new-trothed lord. + + + +URSULA +And did they bid you tell her of it, madam? + + + +HERO +They did entreat me to acquaint her of it; +But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick, +To wish him wrestle with affection, +And never to let Beatrice know of it. + + + +URSULA +Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman +Deserve as full as fortunate a bed +As ever Beatrice shall couch upon? + + + +HERO +O god of love! I know he doth deserve +As much as may be yielded to a man: +But Nature never framed a woman's heart +Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice; +Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes, +Misprising what they look on, and her wit +Values itself so highly that to her +All matter else seems weak: she cannot love, +Nor take no shape nor project of affection, +She is so self-endeared. + + + +URSULA +Sure, I think so; +And therefore certainly it were not good +She knew his love, lest she make sport at it. + + + +HERO +Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man, +How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured, +But she would spell him backward: if fair-faced, +She would swear the gentleman should be her sister; +If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antique, +Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed; +If low, an agate very vilely cut; +If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds; +If silent, why, a block moved with none. +So turns she every man the wrong side out +And never gives to truth and virtue that +Which simpleness and merit purchaseth. + + + +URSULA +Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable. + + + +HERO +No, not to be so odd and from all fashions +As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable: +But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, +She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me +Out of myself, press me to death with wit. +Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire, +Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly: +It were a better death than die with mocks, +Which is as bad as die with tickling. + + + +URSULA +Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say. + + + +HERO +No; rather I will go to Benedick +And counsel him to fight against his passion. +And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders +To stain my cousin with: one doth not know +How much an ill word may empoison liking. + + + +URSULA +O, do not do your cousin such a wrong. +She cannot be so much without true judgment-- +Having so swift and excellent a wit +As she is prized to have--as to refuse +So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick. + + + +HERO +He is the only man of Italy. +Always excepted my dear Claudio. + + + +URSULA +I pray you, be not angry with me, madam, +Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick, +For shape, for bearing, argument and valour, +Goes foremost in report through Italy. + + + +HERO +Indeed, he hath an excellent good name. + + + +URSULA +His excellence did earn it, ere he had it. +When are you married, madam? + + + +HERO +Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in: +I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel +Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow. + + + +URSULA +She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam. + + + +HERO +If it proves so, then loving goes by haps: +Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. + + + +Exeunt HERO and URSULA + + +BEATRICE +Coming forward +What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? +Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much? +Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu! +No glory lives behind the back of such. +And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, +Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand: +If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee +To bind our loves up in a holy band; +For others say thou dost deserve, and I +Believe it better than reportingly. + + + +Exit + + +SCENE II. A room in LEONATO'S house +Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO + + +DON PEDRO +I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and +then go I toward Arragon. + + + +CLAUDIO +I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll +vouchsafe me. + + + +DON PEDRO +Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss +of your marriage as to show a child his new coat +and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold +with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown +of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all +mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's +bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at +him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his +tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his +tongue speaks. + + + +BENEDICK +Gallants, I am not as I have been. + + + +LEONATO +So say I methinks you are sadder. + + + +CLAUDIO +I hope he be in love. + + + +DON PEDRO +Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in +him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad, +he wants money. + + + +BENEDICK +I have the toothache. + + + +DON PEDRO +Draw it. + + + +BENEDICK +Hang it! + + + +CLAUDIO +You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards. + + + +DON PEDRO +What! sigh for the toothache? + + + +LEONATO +Where is but a humour or a worm. + + + +BENEDICK +Well, every one can master a grief but he that has +it. + + + +CLAUDIO +Yet say I, he is in love. + + + +DON PEDRO +There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be +a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be +a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the +shape of two countries at once, as, a German from +the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from +the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy +to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no +fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is. + + + +CLAUDIO +If he be not in love with some woman, there is no +believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o' +mornings; what should that bode? + + + +DON PEDRO +Hath any man seen him at the barber's? + + + +CLAUDIO +No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, +and the old ornament of his cheek hath already +stuffed tennis-balls. + + + +LEONATO +Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard. + + + +DON PEDRO +Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him +out by that? + + + +CLAUDIO +That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love. + + + +DON PEDRO +The greatest note of it is his melancholy. + + + +CLAUDIO +And when was he wont to wash his face? + + + +DON PEDRO +Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear +what they say of him. + + + +CLAUDIO +Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into +a lute-string and now governed by stops. + + + +DON PEDRO +Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude, +conclude he is in love. + + + +CLAUDIO +Nay, but I know who loves him. + + + +DON PEDRO +That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not. + + + +CLAUDIO +Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of +all, dies for him. + + + +DON PEDRO +She shall be buried with her face upwards. + + + +BENEDICK +Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old +signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight +or nine wise words to speak to you, which these +hobby-horses must not hear. + + + +Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO + + +DON PEDRO +For my life, to break with him about Beatrice. + + + +CLAUDIO +'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this +played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two +bears will not bite one another when they meet. + + + +Enter DON JOHN + + +DON JOHN +My lord and brother, God save you! + + + +DON PEDRO +Good den, brother. + + + +DON JOHN +If your leisure served, I would speak with you. + + + +DON PEDRO +In private? + + + +DON JOHN +If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for +what I would speak of concerns him. + + + +DON PEDRO +What's the matter? + + + +DON JOHN +To CLAUDIO Means your lordship to be married +to-morrow? + + + +DON PEDRO +You know he does. + + + +DON JOHN +I know not that, when he knows what I know. + + + +CLAUDIO +If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it. + + + +DON JOHN +You may think I love you not: let that appear +hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will +manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you +well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect +your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and +labour ill bestowed. + + + +DON PEDRO +Why, what's the matter? + + + +DON JOHN +I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances +shortened, for she has been too long a talking of, +the lady is disloyal. + + + +CLAUDIO +Who, Hero? + + + +DON PEDRO +Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero: + + + +CLAUDIO +Disloyal? + + + +DON JOHN +The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I +could say she were worse: think you of a worse +title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till +further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall +see her chamber-window entered, even the night +before her wedding-day: if you love her then, +to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour +to change your mind. + + + +CLAUDIO +May this be so? + + + +DON PEDRO +I will not think it. + + + +DON JOHN +If you dare not trust that you see, confess not +that you know: if you will follow me, I will show +you enough; and when you have seen more and heard +more, proceed accordingly. + + + +CLAUDIO +If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry +her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should +wed, there will I shame her. + + + +DON PEDRO +And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join +with thee to disgrace her. + + + +DON JOHN +I will disparage her no farther till you are my +witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and +let the issue show itself. + + + +DON PEDRO +O day untowardly turned! + + + +CLAUDIO +O mischief strangely thwarting! + + + +DON JOHN +O plague right well prevented! so will you say when +you have seen the sequel. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE III. A street. +Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch + + +DOGBERRY +Are you good men and true? + + + +VERGES +Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer +salvation, body and soul. + + + +DOGBERRY +Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if +they should have any allegiance in them, being +chosen for the prince's watch. + + + +VERGES +Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry. + + + +DOGBERRY +First, who think you the most desertless man to be +constable? + + + +First Watchman +Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can +write and read. + + + +DOGBERRY +Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed +you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is +the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature. + + + +Second Watchman +Both which, master constable,-- + + + +DOGBERRY +You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well, +for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make +no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, +let that appear when there is no need of such +vanity. You are thought here to be the most +senseless and fit man for the constable of the +watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your +charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are +to bid any man stand, in the prince's name. + + + +Second Watchman +How if a' will not stand? + + + +DOGBERRY +Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and +presently call the rest of the watch together and +thank God you are rid of a knave. + + + +VERGES +If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none +of the prince's subjects. + + + +DOGBERRY +True, and they are to meddle with none but the +prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in +the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to +talk is most tolerable and not to be endured. + + + +Watchman +We will rather sleep than talk: we know what +belongs to a watch. + + + +DOGBERRY +Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet +watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should +offend: only, have a care that your bills be not +stolen. Well, you are to call at all the +ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. + + + +Watchman +How if they will not? + + + +DOGBERRY +Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if +they make you not then the better answer, you may +say they are not the men you took them for. + + + +Watchman +Well, sir. + + + +DOGBERRY +If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue +of your office, to be no true man; and, for such +kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, +why the more is for your honesty. + + + +Watchman +If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay +hands on him? + + + +DOGBERRY +Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they +that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable +way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him +show himself what he is and steal out of your company. + + + +VERGES +You have been always called a merciful man, partner. + + + +DOGBERRY +Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more +a man who hath any honesty in him. + + + +VERGES +If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call +to the nurse and bid her still it. + + + +Watchman +How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us? + + + +DOGBERRY +Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake +her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her +lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats. + + + +VERGES +'Tis very true. + + + +DOGBERRY +This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are +to present the prince's own person: if you meet the +prince in the night, you may stay him. + + + +VERGES +Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot. + + + +DOGBERRY +Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows +the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without +the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought +to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a +man against his will. + + + +VERGES +By'r lady, I think it be so. + + + +DOGBERRY +Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be +any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your +fellows' counsels and your own; and good night. +Come, neighbour. + + + +Watchman +Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here +upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed. + + + +DOGBERRY +One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch +about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being +there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night. +Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you. + + +Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES +Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE + + +BORACHIO +What Conrade! + + + +Watchman +Aside Peace! stir not. + + + +BORACHIO +Conrade, I say! + + + +CONRADE +Here, man; I am at thy elbow. + + + +BORACHIO +Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a +scab follow. + + + +CONRADE +I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward +with thy tale. + + + +BORACHIO +Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for +it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, +utter all to thee. + + + +Watchman +Aside Some treason, masters: yet stand close. + + + +BORACHIO +Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats. + + + +CONRADE +Is it possible that any villany should be so dear? + + + +BORACHIO +Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any +villany should be so rich; for when rich villains +have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what +price they will. + + + +CONRADE +I wonder at it. + + + +BORACHIO +That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that +the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is +nothing to a man. + + + +CONRADE +Yes, it is apparel. + + + +BORACHIO +I mean, the fashion. + + + +CONRADE +Yes, the fashion is the fashion. + + + +BORACHIO +Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But +seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion +is? + + + +Watchman +Aside I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile +thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a +gentleman: I remember his name. + + + +BORACHIO +Didst thou not hear somebody? + + + +CONRADE +No; 'twas the vane on the house. + + + +BORACHIO +Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this +fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot +bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty? +sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers +in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's +priests in the old church-window, sometime like the +shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry, +where his codpiece seems as massy as his club? + + + +CONRADE +All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears +out more apparel than the man. But art not thou +thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast +shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion? + + + +BORACHIO +Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night +wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the +name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress' +chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good +night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first +tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master, +planted and placed and possessed by my master Don +John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. + + + +CONRADE +And thought they Margaret was Hero? + + + +BORACHIO +Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the +devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly +by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by +the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly +by my villany, which did confirm any slander that +Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore +he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning +at the temple, and there, before the whole +congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night +and send her home again without a husband. + + + +First Watchman +We charge you, in the prince's name, stand! + + + +Second Watchman +Call up the right master constable. We have here +recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that +ever was known in the commonwealth. + + + +First Watchman +And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a' +wears a lock. + + + +CONRADE +Masters, masters,-- + + + +Second Watchman +You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you. + + + +CONRADE +Masters,-- + + + +First Watchman +Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us. + + + +BORACHIO +We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken +up of these men's bills. + + + +CONRADE +A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE IV. HERO's apartment. +Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA + + +HERO +Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire +her to rise. + + + +URSULA +I will, lady. + + + +HERO +And bid her come hither. + + + +URSULA +Well. + + + +Exit + + +MARGARET +Troth, I think your other rabato were better. + + + +HERO +No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this. + + + +MARGARET +By my troth, 's not so good; and I warrant your +cousin will say so. + + + +HERO +My cousin's a fool, and thou art another: I'll wear +none but this. + + + +MARGARET +I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair +were a thought browner; and your gown's a most rare +fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's +gown that they praise so. + + + +HERO +O, that exceeds, they say. + + + +MARGARET +By my troth, 's but a night-gown in respect of +yours: cloth o' gold, and cuts, and laced with +silver, set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, +and skirts, round underborne with a bluish tinsel: +but for a fine, quaint, graceful and excellent +fashion, yours is worth ten on 't. + + + +HERO +God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is +exceeding heavy. + + + +MARGARET +'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man. + + + +HERO +Fie upon thee! art not ashamed? + + + +MARGARET +Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not +marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord +honourable without marriage? I think you would have +me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband:' and bad +thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend +nobody: is there any harm in 'the heavier for a +husband'? None, I think, and it be the right husband +and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and not +heavy: ask my Lady Beatrice else; here she comes. + + + +Enter BEATRICE + + +HERO +Good morrow, coz. + + + +BEATRICE +Good morrow, sweet Hero. + + + +HERO +Why how now? do you speak in the sick tune? + + + +BEATRICE +I am out of all other tune, methinks. + + + +MARGARET +Clap's into 'Light o' love;' that goes without a +burden: do you sing it, and I'll dance it. + + + +BEATRICE +Ye light o' love, with your heels! then, if your +husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall +lack no barns. + + + +MARGARET +O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels. + + + +BEATRICE +'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; tis time you were +ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill: heigh-ho! + + + +MARGARET +For a hawk, a horse, or a husband? + + + +BEATRICE +For the letter that begins them all, H. + + + +MARGARET +Well, and you be not turned Turk, there's no more +sailing by the star. + + + +BEATRICE +What means the fool, trow? + + + +MARGARET +Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire! + + + +HERO +These gloves the count sent me; they are an +excellent perfume. + + + +BEATRICE +I am stuffed, cousin; I cannot smell. + + + +MARGARET +A maid, and stuffed! there's goodly catching of cold. + + + +BEATRICE +O, God help me! God help me! how long have you +professed apprehension? + + + +MARGARET +Even since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely? + + + +BEATRICE +It is not seen enough, you should wear it in your +cap. By my troth, I am sick. + + + +MARGARET +Get you some of this distilled Carduus Benedictus, +and lay it to your heart: it is the only thing for a qualm. + + + +HERO +There thou prickest her with a thistle. + + + +BEATRICE +Benedictus! why Benedictus? you have some moral in +this Benedictus. + + + +MARGARET +Moral! no, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I +meant, plain holy-thistle. You may think perchance +that I think you are in love: nay, by'r lady, I am +not such a fool to think what I list, nor I list +not to think what I can, nor indeed I cannot think, +if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you +are in love or that you will be in love or that you +can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and +now is he become a man: he swore he would never +marry, and yet now, in despite of his heart, he eats +his meat without grudging: and how you may be +converted I know not, but methinks you look with +your eyes as other women do. + + + +BEATRICE +What pace is this that thy tongue keeps? + + + +MARGARET +Not a false gallop. + + + +Re-enter URSULA + + +URSULA +Madam, withdraw: the prince, the count, Signior +Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the +town, are come to fetch you to church. + + + +HERO +Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE V. Another room in LEONATO'S house. +Enter LEONATO, with DOGBERRY and VERGES + + +LEONATO +What would you with me, honest neighbour? + + + +DOGBERRY +Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you +that decerns you nearly. + + + +LEONATO +Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me. + + + +DOGBERRY +Marry, this it is, sir. + + + +VERGES +Yes, in truth it is, sir. + + + +LEONATO +What is it, my good friends? + + + +DOGBERRY +Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the +matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so +blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but, +in faith, honest as the skin between his brows. + + + +VERGES +Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living +that is an old man and no honester than I. + + + +DOGBERRY +Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges. + + + +LEONATO +Neighbours, you are tedious. + + + +DOGBERRY +It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the +poor duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part, +if I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in +my heart to bestow it all of your worship. + + + +LEONATO +All thy tediousness on me, ah? + + + +DOGBERRY +Yea, an 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis; for +I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any +man in the city; and though I be but a poor man, I +am glad to hear it. + + + +VERGES +And so am I. + + + +LEONATO +I would fain know what you have to say. + + + +VERGES +Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your +worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant +knaves as any in Messina. + + + +DOGBERRY +A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they +say, when the age is in, the wit is out: God help +us! it is a world to see. Well said, i' faith, +neighbour Verges: well, God's a good man; an two men +ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest +soul, i' faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever +broke bread; but God is to be worshipped; all men +are not alike; alas, good neighbour! + + + +LEONATO +Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you. + + + +DOGBERRY +Gifts that God gives. + + + +LEONATO +I must leave you. + + + +DOGBERRY +One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed +comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would +have them this morning examined before your worship. + + + +LEONATO +Take their examination yourself and bring it me: I +am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you. + + + +DOGBERRY +It shall be suffigance. + + + +LEONATO +Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well. + + + +Enter a Messenger + + +Messenger +My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to +her husband. + + + +LEONATO +I'll wait upon them: I am ready. + + + +Exeunt LEONATO and Messenger + + +DOGBERRY +Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis Seacole; +bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we +are now to examination these men. + + + +VERGES +And we must do it wisely. + + + +DOGBERRY +We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here's +that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only +get the learned writer to set down our +excommunication and meet me at the gaol. + + + +Exeunt + + + + +ACT IV + +SCENE I. A church. +Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR FRANCIS, +CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, HERO, BEATRICE, and Attendants + + +LEONATO +Come, Friar Francis, be brief; only to the plain +form of marriage, and you shall recount their +particular duties afterwards. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady. + + + +CLAUDIO +No. + + + +LEONATO +To be married to her: friar, you come to marry her. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Lady, you come hither to be married to this count. + + + +HERO +I do. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +If either of you know any inward impediment why you +should not be conjoined, charge you, on your souls, +to utter it. + + + +CLAUDIO +Know you any, Hero? + + + +HERO +None, my lord. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Know you any, count? + + + +LEONATO +I dare make his answer, none. + + + +CLAUDIO +O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily +do, not knowing what they do! + + + +BENEDICK +How now! interjections? Why, then, some be of +laughing, as, ah, ha, he! + + + +CLAUDIO +Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave: +Will you with free and unconstrained soul +Give me this maid, your daughter? + + + +LEONATO +As freely, son, as God did give her me. + + + +CLAUDIO +And what have I to give you back, whose worth +May counterpoise this rich and precious gift? + + + +DON PEDRO +Nothing, unless you render her again. + + + +CLAUDIO +Sweet prince, you learn me noble thankfulness. +There, Leonato, take her back again: +Give not this rotten orange to your friend; +She's but the sign and semblance of her honour. +Behold how like a maid she blushes here! +O, what authority and show of truth +Can cunning sin cover itself withal! +Comes not that blood as modest evidence +To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear, +All you that see her, that she were a maid, +By these exterior shows? But she is none: +She knows the heat of a luxurious bed; +Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty. + + + +LEONATO +What do you mean, my lord? + + + +CLAUDIO +Not to be married, +Not to knit my soul to an approved wanton. + + + +LEONATO +Dear my lord, if you, in your own proof, +Have vanquish'd the resistance of her youth, +And made defeat of her virginity,-- + + + +CLAUDIO +I know what you would say: if I have known her, +You will say she did embrace me as a husband, +And so extenuate the 'forehand sin: +No, Leonato, +I never tempted her with word too large; +But, as a brother to his sister, show'd +Bashful sincerity and comely love. + + + +HERO +And seem'd I ever otherwise to you? + + + +CLAUDIO +Out on thee! Seeming! I will write against it: +You seem to me as Dian in her orb, +As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown; +But you are more intemperate in your blood +Than Venus, or those pamper'd animals +That rage in savage sensuality. + + + +HERO +Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide? + + + +LEONATO +Sweet prince, why speak not you? + + + +DON PEDRO +What should I speak? +I stand dishonour'd, that have gone about +To link my dear friend to a common stale. + + + +LEONATO +Are these things spoken, or do I but dream? + + + +DON JOHN +Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true. + + + +BENEDICK +This looks not like a nuptial. + + + +HERO +True! O God! + + + +CLAUDIO +Leonato, stand I here? +Is this the prince? is this the prince's brother? +Is this face Hero's? are our eyes our own? + + + +LEONATO +All this is so: but what of this, my lord? + + + +CLAUDIO +Let me but move one question to your daughter; +And, by that fatherly and kindly power +That you have in her, bid her answer truly. + + + +LEONATO +I charge thee do so, as thou art my child. + + + +HERO +O, God defend me! how am I beset! +What kind of catechising call you this? + + + +CLAUDIO +To make you answer truly to your name. + + + +HERO +Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name +With any just reproach? + + + +CLAUDIO +Marry, that can Hero; +Hero itself can blot out Hero's virtue. +What man was he talk'd with you yesternight +Out at your window betwixt twelve and one? +Now, if you are a maid, answer to this. + + + +HERO +I talk'd with no man at that hour, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +Why, then are you no maiden. Leonato, +I am sorry you must hear: upon mine honour, +Myself, my brother and this grieved count +Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night +Talk with a ruffian at her chamber-window +Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain, +Confess'd the vile encounters they have had +A thousand times in secret. + + + +DON JOHN +Fie, fie! they are not to be named, my lord, +Not to be spoke of; +There is not chastity enough in language +Without offence to utter them. Thus, pretty lady, +I am sorry for thy much misgovernment. + + + +CLAUDIO +O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been, +If half thy outward graces had been placed +About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart! +But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! farewell, +Thou pure impiety and impious purity! +For thee I'll lock up all the gates of love, +And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang, +To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm, +And never shall it more be gracious. + + + +LEONATO +Hath no man's dagger here a point for me? + + + +HERO swoons + + +BEATRICE +Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down? + + + +DON JOHN +Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light, +Smother her spirits up. + + + +Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO + + +BENEDICK +How doth the lady? + + + +BEATRICE +Dead, I think. Help, uncle! +Hero! why, Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar! + + + +LEONATO +O Fate! take not away thy heavy hand. +Death is the fairest cover for her shame +That may be wish'd for. + + + +BEATRICE +How now, cousin Hero! + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Have comfort, lady. + + + +LEONATO +Dost thou look up? + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Yea, wherefore should she not? + + + +LEONATO +Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing +Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny +The story that is printed in her blood? +Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes: +For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die, +Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames, +Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches, +Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one? +Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame? +O, one too much by thee! Why had I one? +Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes? +Why had I not with charitable hand +Took up a beggar's issue at my gates, +Who smirch'd thus and mired with infamy, +I might have said 'No part of it is mine; +This shame derives itself from unknown loins'? +But mine and mine I loved and mine I praised +And mine that I was proud on, mine so much +That I myself was to myself not mine, +Valuing of her,--why, she, O, she is fallen +Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea +Hath drops too few to wash her clean again +And salt too little which may season give +To her foul-tainted flesh! + + + +BENEDICK +Sir, sir, be patient. +For my part, I am so attired in wonder, +I know not what to say. + + + +BEATRICE +O, on my soul, my cousin is belied! + + + +BENEDICK +Lady, were you her bedfellow last night? + + + +BEATRICE +No, truly not; although, until last night, +I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow. + + + +LEONATO +Confirm'd, confirm'd! O, that is stronger made +Which was before barr'd up with ribs of iron! +Would the two princes lie, and Claudio lie, +Who loved her so, that, speaking of her foulness, +Wash'd it with tears? Hence from her! let her die. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Hear me a little; for I have only been +Silent so long and given way unto +This course of fortune +By noting of the lady. I have mark'd +A thousand blushing apparitions +To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames +In angel whiteness beat away those blushes; +And in her eye there hath appear'd a fire, +To burn the errors that these princes hold +Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool; +Trust not my reading nor my observations, +Which with experimental seal doth warrant +The tenor of my book; trust not my age, +My reverence, calling, nor divinity, +If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here +Under some biting error. + + + +LEONATO +Friar, it cannot be. +Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left +Is that she will not add to her damnation +A sin of perjury; she not denies it: +Why seek'st thou then to cover with excuse +That which appears in proper nakedness? + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Lady, what man is he you are accused of? + + + +HERO +They know that do accuse me; I know none: +If I know more of any man alive +Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant, +Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father, +Prove you that any man with me conversed +At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight +Maintain'd the change of words with any creature, +Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death! + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +There is some strange misprision in the princes. + + + +BENEDICK +Two of them have the very bent of honour; +And if their wisdoms be misled in this, +The practise of it lives in John the bastard, +Whose spirits toil in frame of villanies. + + + +LEONATO +I know not. If they speak but truth of her, +These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honour, +The proudest of them shall well hear of it. +Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine, +Nor age so eat up my invention, +Nor fortune made such havoc of my means, +Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends, +But they shall find, awaked in such a kind, +Both strength of limb and policy of mind, +Ability in means and choice of friends, +To quit me of them throughly. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Pause awhile, +And let my counsel sway you in this case. +Your daughter here the princes left for dead: +Let her awhile be secretly kept in, +And publish it that she is dead indeed; +Maintain a mourning ostentation +And on your family's old monument +Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites +That appertain unto a burial. + + + +LEONATO +What shall become of this? what will this do? + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Marry, this well carried shall on her behalf +Change slander to remorse; that is some good: +But not for that dream I on this strange course, +But on this travail look for greater birth. +She dying, as it must so be maintain'd, +Upon the instant that she was accused, +Shall be lamented, pitied and excused +Of every hearer: for it so falls out +That what we have we prize not to the worth +Whiles we enjoy it, but being lack'd and lost, +Why, then we rack the value, then we find +The virtue that possession would not show us +Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio: +When he shall hear she died upon his words, +The idea of her life shall sweetly creep +Into his study of imagination, +And every lovely organ of her life +Shall come apparell'd in more precious habit, +More moving-delicate and full of life, +Into the eye and prospect of his soul, +Than when she lived indeed; then shall he mourn, +If ever love had interest in his liver, +And wish he had not so accused her, +No, though he thought his accusation true. +Let this be so, and doubt not but success +Will fashion the event in better shape +Than I can lay it down in likelihood. +But if all aim but this be levell'd false, +The supposition of the lady's death +Will quench the wonder of her infamy: +And if it sort not well, you may conceal her, +As best befits her wounded reputation, +In some reclusive and religious life, +Out of all eyes, tongues, minds and injuries. + + + +BENEDICK +Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you: +And though you know my inwardness and love +Is very much unto the prince and Claudio, +Yet, by mine honour, I will deal in this +As secretly and justly as your soul +Should with your body. + + + +LEONATO +Being that I flow in grief, +The smallest twine may lead me. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +'Tis well consented: presently away; +For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure. +Come, lady, die to live: this wedding-day +Perhaps is but prolong'd: have patience and endure. + + + +Exeunt all but BENEDICK and BEATRICE + + +BENEDICK +Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while? + + + +BEATRICE +Yea, and I will weep a while longer. + + + +BENEDICK +I will not desire that. + + + +BEATRICE +You have no reason; I do it freely. + + + +BENEDICK +Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged. + + + +BEATRICE +Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that would right her! + + + +BENEDICK +Is there any way to show such friendship? + + + +BEATRICE +A very even way, but no such friend. + + + +BENEDICK +May a man do it? + + + +BEATRICE +It is a man's office, but not yours. + + + +BENEDICK +I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is +not that strange? + + + +BEATRICE +As strange as the thing I know not. It were as +possible for me to say I loved nothing so well as +you: but believe me not; and yet I lie not; I +confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. I am sorry for my cousin. + + + +BENEDICK +By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me. + + + +BEATRICE +Do not swear, and eat it. + + + +BENEDICK +I will swear by it that you love me; and I will make +him eat it that says I love not you. + + + +BEATRICE +Will you not eat your word? + + + +BENEDICK +With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest +I love thee. + + + +BEATRICE +Why, then, God forgive me! + + + +BENEDICK +What offence, sweet Beatrice? + + + +BEATRICE +You have stayed me in a happy hour: I was about to +protest I loved you. + + + +BENEDICK +And do it with all thy heart. + + + +BEATRICE +I love you with so much of my heart that none is +left to protest. + + + +BENEDICK +Come, bid me do any thing for thee. + + + +BEATRICE +Kill Claudio. + + + +BENEDICK +Ha! not for the wide world. + + + +BEATRICE +You kill me to deny it. Farewell. + + + +BENEDICK +Tarry, sweet Beatrice. + + + +BEATRICE +I am gone, though I am here: there is no love in +you: nay, I pray you, let me go. + + + +BENEDICK +Beatrice,-- + + + +BEATRICE +In faith, I will go. + + + +BENEDICK +We'll be friends first. + + + +BEATRICE +You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy. + + + +BENEDICK +Is Claudio thine enemy? + + + +BEATRICE +Is he not approved in the height a villain, that +hath slandered, scorned, dishonoured my kinswoman? O +that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they +come to take hands; and then, with public +accusation, uncovered slander, unmitigated rancour, +--O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart +in the market-place. + + + +BENEDICK +Hear me, Beatrice,-- + + + +BEATRICE +Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying! + + + +BENEDICK +Nay, but, Beatrice,-- + + + +BEATRICE +Sweet Hero! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone. + + + +BENEDICK +Beat-- + + + +BEATRICE +Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, +a goodly count, Count Comfect; a sweet gallant, +surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I +had any friend would be a man for my sake! But +manhood is melted into courtesies, valour into +compliment, and men are only turned into tongue, and +trim ones too: he is now as valiant as Hercules +that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a +man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving. + + + +BENEDICK +Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee. + + + +BEATRICE +Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it. + + + +BENEDICK +Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero? + + + +BEATRICE +Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul. + + + +BENEDICK +Enough, I am engaged; I will challenge him. I will +kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, +Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you +hear of me, so think of me. Go, comfort your +cousin: I must say she is dead: and so, farewell. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE II. A prison. +Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and +the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO + + +DOGBERRY +Is our whole dissembly appeared? + + + +VERGES +O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton. + + + +Sexton +Which be the malefactors? + + + +DOGBERRY +Marry, that am I and my partner. + + + +VERGES +Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine. + + + +Sexton +But which are the offenders that are to be +examined? let them come before master constable. + + + +DOGBERRY +Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your +name, friend? + + + +BORACHIO +Borachio. + + + +DOGBERRY +Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah? + + + +CONRADE +I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade. + + + +DOGBERRY +Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do +you serve God? + + + +CONRADE +BORACHIO +Yea, sir, we hope. + + + +DOGBERRY +Write down, that they hope they serve God: and +write God first; for God defend but God should go +before such villains! Masters, it is proved already +that you are little better than false knaves; and it +will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer +you for yourselves? + + + +CONRADE +Marry, sir, we say we are none. + + + +DOGBERRY +A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I +will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a +word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought +you are false knaves. + + + +BORACHIO +Sir, I say to you we are none. + + + +DOGBERRY +Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a +tale. Have you writ down, that they are none? + + + +Sexton +Master constable, you go not the way to examine: +you must call forth the watch that are their accusers. + + + +DOGBERRY +Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch +come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's +name, accuse these men. + + + +First Watchman +This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's +brother, was a villain. + + + +DOGBERRY +Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat +perjury, to call a prince's brother villain. + + + +BORACHIO +Master constable,-- + + + +DOGBERRY +Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, +I promise thee. + + + +Sexton +What heard you him say else? + + + +Second Watchman +Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of +Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully. + + + +DOGBERRY +Flat burglary as ever was committed. + + + +VERGES +Yea, by mass, that it is. + + + +Sexton +What else, fellow? + + + +First Watchman +And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to +disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her. + + + +DOGBERRY +O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting +redemption for this. + + + +Sexton +What else? + + + +Watchman +This is all. + + + +Sexton +And this is more, masters, than you can deny. +Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; +Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner +refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. +Master constable, let these men be bound, and +brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show +him their examination. + + + +Exit + + +DOGBERRY +Come, let them be opinioned. + + + +VERGES +Let them be in the hands-- + + + +CONRADE +Off, coxcomb! + + + +DOGBERRY +God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write +down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. +Thou naughty varlet! + + + +CONRADE +Away! you are an ass, you are an ass. + + + +DOGBERRY +Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not +suspect my years? O that he were here to write me +down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an +ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not +that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of +piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. +I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, +and, which is more, a householder, and, which is +more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in +Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a +rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath +had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every +thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that +I had been writ down an ass! + + + +Exeunt + + + + +ACT V + +SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house. +Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO + + +ANTONIO +If you go on thus, you will kill yourself: +And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief +Against yourself. + + + +LEONATO +I pray thee, cease thy counsel, +Which falls into mine ears as profitless +As water in a sieve: give not me counsel; +Nor let no comforter delight mine ear +But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. +Bring me a father that so loved his child, +Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine, +And bid him speak of patience; +Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine +And let it answer every strain for strain, +As thus for thus and such a grief for such, +In every lineament, branch, shape, and form: +If such a one will smile and stroke his beard, +Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan, +Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk +With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me, +And I of him will gather patience. +But there is no such man: for, brother, men +Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief +Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it, +Their counsel turns to passion, which before +Would give preceptial medicine to rage, +Fetter strong madness in a silken thread, +Charm ache with air and agony with words: +No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience +To those that wring under the load of sorrow, +But no man's virtue nor sufficiency +To be so moral when he shall endure +The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel: +My griefs cry louder than advertisement. + + + +ANTONIO +Therein do men from children nothing differ. + + + +LEONATO +I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood; +For there was never yet philosopher +That could endure the toothache patiently, +However they have writ the style of gods +And made a push at chance and sufferance. + + + +ANTONIO +Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself; +Make those that do offend you suffer too. + + + +LEONATO +There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so. +My soul doth tell me Hero is belied; +And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince +And all of them that thus dishonour her. + + + +ANTONIO +Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily. + + + +Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO + + +DON PEDRO +Good den, good den. + + + +CLAUDIO +Good day to both of you. + + + +LEONATO +Hear you. my lords,-- + + + +DON PEDRO +We have some haste, Leonato. + + + +LEONATO +Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord: +Are you so hasty now? well, all is one. + + + +DON PEDRO +Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man. + + + +ANTONIO +If he could right himself with quarreling, +Some of us would lie low. + + + +CLAUDIO +Who wrongs him? + + + +LEONATO +Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:-- +Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword; +I fear thee not. + + + +CLAUDIO +Marry, beshrew my hand, +If it should give your age such cause of fear: +In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword. + + + +LEONATO +Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me: +I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, +As under privilege of age to brag +What I have done being young, or what would do +Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head, +Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me +That I am forced to lay my reverence by +And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days, +Do challenge thee to trial of a man. +I say thou hast belied mine innocent child; +Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, +And she lies buried with her ancestors; +O, in a tomb where never scandal slept, +Save this of hers, framed by thy villany! + + + +CLAUDIO +My villany? + + + +LEONATO +Thine, Claudio; thine, I say. + + + +DON PEDRO +You say not right, old man. + + + +LEONATO +My lord, my lord, +I'll prove it on his body, if he dare, +Despite his nice fence and his active practise, +His May of youth and bloom of lustihood. + + + +CLAUDIO +Away! I will not have to do with you. + + + +LEONATO +Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child: +If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man. + + + +ANTONIO +He shall kill two of us, and men indeed: +But that's no matter; let him kill one first; +Win me and wear me; let him answer me. +Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me: +Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence; +Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will. + + + +LEONATO +Brother,-- + + + +ANTONIO +Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece; +And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains, +That dare as well answer a man indeed +As I dare take a serpent by the tongue: +Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops! + + + +LEONATO +Brother Antony,-- + + + +ANTONIO +Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea, +And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,-- +Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys, +That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander, +Go anticly, show outward hideousness, +And speak off half a dozen dangerous words, +How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst; +And this is all. + + + +LEONATO +But, brother Antony,-- + + + +ANTONIO +Come, 'tis no matter: +Do not you meddle; let me deal in this. + + + +DON PEDRO +Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience. +My heart is sorry for your daughter's death: +But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing +But what was true and very full of proof. + + + +LEONATO +My lord, my lord,-- + + + +DON PEDRO +I will not hear you. + + + +LEONATO +No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard. + + + +ANTONIO +And shall, or some of us will smart for it. + + + +Exeunt LEONATO and ANTONIO + + +DON PEDRO +See, see; here comes the man we went to seek. + + + +Enter BENEDICK + + +CLAUDIO +Now, signior, what news? + + + +BENEDICK +Good day, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part +almost a fray. + + + +CLAUDIO +We had like to have had our two noses snapped off +with two old men without teeth. + + + +DON PEDRO +Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had +we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them. + + + +BENEDICK +In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came +to seek you both. + + + +CLAUDIO +We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are +high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten +away. Wilt thou use thy wit? + + + +BENEDICK +It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it? + + + +DON PEDRO +Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side? + + + +CLAUDIO +Never any did so, though very many have been beside +their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the +minstrels; draw, to pleasure us. + + + +DON PEDRO +As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou +sick, or angry? + + + +CLAUDIO +What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, +thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care. + + + +BENEDICK +Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you +charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject. + + + +CLAUDIO +Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was +broke cross. + + + +DON PEDRO +By this light, he changes more and more: I think +he be angry indeed. + + + +CLAUDIO +If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle. + + + +BENEDICK +Shall I speak a word in your ear? + + + +CLAUDIO +God bless me from a challenge! + + + +BENEDICK +Aside to CLAUDIO You are a villain; I jest not: +I will make it good how you dare, with what you +dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will +protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet +lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me +hear from you. + + + +CLAUDIO +Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer. + + + +DON PEDRO +What, a feast, a feast? + + + +CLAUDIO +I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's +head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most +curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find +a woodcock too? + + + +BENEDICK +Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily. + + + +DON PEDRO +I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the +other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: 'True,' +said she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a +great wit:' 'Right,' says she, 'a great gross one.' +'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit:' 'Just,' said she, 'it +hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman +is wise:' 'Certain,' said she, 'a wise gentleman.' +'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues:' 'That I +believe,' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on +Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning; +there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus +did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular +virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou +wast the properest man in Italy. + + + +CLAUDIO +For the which she wept heartily and said she cared +not. + + + +DON PEDRO +Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she +did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly: +the old man's daughter told us all. + + + +CLAUDIO +All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was +hid in the garden. + + + +DON PEDRO +But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on +the sensible Benedick's head? + + + +CLAUDIO +Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the +married man'? + + + +BENEDICK +Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave +you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests +as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked, +hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank +you: I must discontinue your company: your brother +the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among +you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord +Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till +then, peace be with him. + + + +Exit + + +DON PEDRO +He is in earnest. + + + +CLAUDIO +In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for +the love of Beatrice. + + + +DON PEDRO +And hath challenged thee. + + + +CLAUDIO +Most sincerely. + + + +DON PEDRO +What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his +doublet and hose and leaves off his wit! + + + +CLAUDIO +He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a +doctor to such a man. + + + +DON PEDRO +But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and +be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled? + + + +Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE +and BORACHIO + + +DOGBERRY +Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she +shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay, +an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to. + + + +DON PEDRO +How now? two of my brother's men bound! Borachio +one! + + + +CLAUDIO +Hearken after their offence, my lord. + + + +DON PEDRO +Officers, what offence have these men done? + + + +DOGBERRY +Marry, sir, they have committed false report; +moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, +they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have +belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust +things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves. + + + +DON PEDRO +First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I +ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why +they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay +to their charge. + + + +CLAUDIO +Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by +my troth, there's one meaning well suited. + + + +DON PEDRO +Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus +bound to your answer? this learned constable is +too cunning to be understood: what's your offence? + + + +BORACHIO +Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: +do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have +deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms +could not discover, these shallow fools have brought +to light: who in the night overheard me confessing +to this man how Don John your brother incensed me +to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into +the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's +garments, how you disgraced her, when you should +marry her: my villany they have upon record; which +I had rather seal with my death than repeat over +to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my +master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire +nothing but the reward of a villain. + + + +DON PEDRO +Runs not this speech like iron through your blood? + + + +CLAUDIO +I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it. + + + +DON PEDRO +But did my brother set thee on to this? + + + +BORACHIO +Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it. + + + +DON PEDRO +He is composed and framed of treachery: +And fled he is upon this villany. + + + +CLAUDIO +Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear +In the rare semblance that I loved it first. + + + +DOGBERRY +Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our +sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: +and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time +and place shall serve, that I am an ass. + + + +VERGES +Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the +Sexton too. + + + +Re-enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, with the Sexton + + +LEONATO +Which is the villain? let me see his eyes, +That, when I note another man like him, +I may avoid him: which of these is he? + + + +BORACHIO +If you would know your wronger, look on me. + + + +LEONATO +Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd +Mine innocent child? + + + +BORACHIO +Yea, even I alone. + + + +LEONATO +No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself: +Here stand a pair of honourable men; +A third is fled, that had a hand in it. +I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death: +Record it with your high and worthy deeds: +'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it. + + + +CLAUDIO +I know not how to pray your patience; +Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself; +Impose me to what penance your invention +Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not +But in mistaking. + + + +DON PEDRO +By my soul, nor I: +And yet, to satisfy this good old man, +I would bend under any heavy weight +That he'll enjoin me to. + + + +LEONATO +I cannot bid you bid my daughter live; +That were impossible: but, I pray you both, +Possess the people in Messina here +How innocent she died; and if your love +Can labour ought in sad invention, +Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb +And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night: +To-morrow morning come you to my house, +And since you could not be my son-in-law, +Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter, +Almost the copy of my child that's dead, +And she alone is heir to both of us: +Give her the right you should have given her cousin, +And so dies my revenge. + + + +CLAUDIO +O noble sir, +Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me! +I do embrace your offer; and dispose +For henceforth of poor Claudio. + + + +LEONATO +To-morrow then I will expect your coming; +To-night I take my leave. This naughty man +Shall face to face be brought to Margaret, +Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong, +Hired to it by your brother. + + + +BORACHIO +No, by my soul, she was not, +Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me, +But always hath been just and virtuous +In any thing that I do know by her. + + + +DOGBERRY +Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and +black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call +me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his +punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of +one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and +a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God's +name, the which he hath used so long and never paid +that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing +for God's sake: pray you, examine him upon that point. + + + +LEONATO +I thank thee for thy care and honest pains. + + + +DOGBERRY +Your worship speaks like a most thankful and +reverend youth; and I praise God for you. + + + +LEONATO +There's for thy pains. + + + +DOGBERRY +God save the foundation! + + + +LEONATO +Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee. + + + +DOGBERRY +I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I +beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the +example of others. God keep your worship! I wish +your worship well; God restore you to health! I +humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry +meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour. + + + +Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES + + +LEONATO +Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell. + + + +ANTONIO +Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow. + + + +DON PEDRO +We will not fail. + + + +CLAUDIO +To-night I'll mourn with Hero. + + + +LEONATO +To the Watch Bring you these fellows on. We'll +talk with Margaret, +How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow. + + + +Exeunt, severally + + +SCENE II. LEONATO'S garden. +Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting + + +BENEDICK +Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at +my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice. + + + +MARGARET +Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty? + + + +BENEDICK +In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living +shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou +deservest it. + + + +MARGARET +To have no man come over me! why, shall I always +keep below stairs? + + + +BENEDICK +Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches. + + + +MARGARET +And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit, +but hurt not. + + + +BENEDICK +A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a +woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give +thee the bucklers. + + + +MARGARET +Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own. + + + +BENEDICK +If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the +pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids. + + + +MARGARET +Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs. + + + +BENEDICK +And therefore will come. +Exit MARGARET +Sings +The god of love, +That sits above, +And knows me, and knows me, +How pitiful I deserve,-- +I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good +swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and +a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers, +whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a +blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned +over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I +cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find +out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent +rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for, +'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous +endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, +nor I cannot woo in festival terms. +Enter BEATRICE +Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee? + + + +BEATRICE +Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me. + + + +BENEDICK +O, stay but till then! + + + +BEATRICE +'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere +I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with +knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio. + + + +BENEDICK +Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee. + + + +BEATRICE +Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but +foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I +will depart unkissed. + + + +BENEDICK +Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, +so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee +plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either +I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe +him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for +which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me? + + + +BEATRICE +For them all together; which maintained so politic +a state of evil that they will not admit any good +part to intermingle with them. But for which of my +good parts did you first suffer love for me? + + + +BENEDICK +Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love +indeed, for I love thee against my will. + + + +BEATRICE +In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! +If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for +yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates. + + + +BENEDICK +Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. + + + +BEATRICE +It appears not in this confession: there's not one +wise man among twenty that will praise himself. + + + +BENEDICK +An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in +the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect +in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live +no longer in monument than the bell rings and the +widow weeps. + + + +BEATRICE +And how long is that, think you? + + + +BENEDICK +Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in +rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the +wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no +impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his +own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for +praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is +praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin? + + + +BEATRICE +Very ill. + + + +BENEDICK +And how do you? + + + +BEATRICE +Very ill too. + + + +BENEDICK +Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave +you too, for here comes one in haste. + + + +Enter URSULA + + +URSULA +Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old +coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been +falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily +abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is +fed and gone. Will you come presently? + + + +BEATRICE +Will you go hear this news, signior? + + + +BENEDICK +I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be +buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with +thee to thy uncle's. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE III. A church. +Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and three or four +with tapers + + +CLAUDIO +Is this the monument of Leonato? + + + +Lord +It is, my lord. + + + +CLAUDIO +Reading out of a scroll +Done to death by slanderous tongues +Was the Hero that here lies: +Death, in guerdon of her wrongs, +Gives her fame which never dies. +So the life that died with shame +Lives in death with glorious fame. +Hang thou there upon the tomb, +Praising her when I am dumb. +Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn. +SONG. +Pardon, goddess of the night, +Those that slew thy virgin knight; +For the which, with songs of woe, +Round about her tomb they go. +Midnight, assist our moan; +Help us to sigh and groan, +Heavily, heavily: +Graves, yawn and yield your dead, +Till death be uttered, +Heavily, heavily. + + + +CLAUDIO +Now, unto thy bones good night! +Yearly will I do this rite. + + + +DON PEDRO +Good morrow, masters; put your torches out: +The wolves have prey'd; and look, the gentle day, +Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about +Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey. +Thanks to you all, and leave us: fare you well. + + + +CLAUDIO +Good morrow, masters: each his several way. + + + +DON PEDRO +Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds; +And then to Leonato's we will go. + + + +CLAUDIO +And Hymen now with luckier issue speed's +Than this for whom we render'd up this woe. + + + +Exeunt + + +SCENE IV. A room in LEONATO'S house. +Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, BENEDICK, BEATRICE, +MARGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, and HERO + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +Did I not tell you she was innocent? + + + +LEONATO +So are the prince and Claudio, who accused her +Upon the error that you heard debated: +But Margaret was in some fault for this, +Although against her will, as it appears +In the true course of all the question. + + + +ANTONIO +Well, I am glad that all things sort so well. + + + +BENEDICK +And so am I, being else by faith enforced +To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it. + + + +LEONATO +Well, daughter, and you gentle-women all, +Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, +And when I send for you, come hither mask'd. +Exeunt Ladies +The prince and Claudio promised by this hour +To visit me. You know your office, brother: +You must be father to your brother's daughter +And give her to young Claudio. + + + +ANTONIO +Which I will do with confirm'd countenance. + + + +BENEDICK +Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +To do what, signior? + + + +BENEDICK +To bind me, or undo me; one of them. +Signior Leonato, truth it is, good signior, +Your niece regards me with an eye of favour. + + + +LEONATO +That eye my daughter lent her: 'tis most true. + + + +BENEDICK +And I do with an eye of love requite her. + + + +LEONATO +The sight whereof I think you had from me, +From Claudio and the prince: but what's your will? + + + +BENEDICK +Your answer, sir, is enigmatical: +But, for my will, my will is your good will +May stand with ours, this day to be conjoin'd +In the state of honourable marriage: +In which, good friar, I shall desire your help. + + + +LEONATO +My heart is with your liking. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +And my help. +Here comes the prince and Claudio. + + + +Enter DON PEDRO and CLAUDIO, and two or +three others + + +DON PEDRO +Good morrow to this fair assembly. + + + +LEONATO +Good morrow, prince; good morrow, Claudio: +We here attend you. Are you yet determined +To-day to marry with my brother's daughter? + + + +CLAUDIO +I'll hold my mind, were she an Ethiope. + + + +LEONATO +Call her forth, brother; here's the friar ready. + + + +Exit ANTONIO + + +DON PEDRO +Good morrow, Benedick. Why, what's the matter, +That you have such a February face, +So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness? + + + +CLAUDIO +I think he thinks upon the savage bull. +Tush, fear not, man; we'll tip thy horns with gold +And all Europa shall rejoice at thee, +As once Europa did at lusty Jove, +When he would play the noble beast in love. + + + +BENEDICK +Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low; +And some such strange bull leap'd your father's cow, +And got a calf in that same noble feat +Much like to you, for you have just his bleat. + + + +CLAUDIO +For this I owe you: here comes other reckonings. +Re-enter ANTONIO, with the Ladies masked +Which is the lady I must seize upon? + + + +ANTONIO +This same is she, and I do give you her. + + + +CLAUDIO +Why, then she's mine. Sweet, let me see your face. + + + +LEONATO +No, that you shall not, till you take her hand +Before this friar and swear to marry her. + + + +CLAUDIO +Give me your hand: before this holy friar, +I am your husband, if you like of me. + + + +HERO +And when I lived, I was your other wife: +Unmasking +And when you loved, you were my other husband. + + + +CLAUDIO +Another Hero! + + + +HERO +Nothing certainer: +One Hero died defiled, but I do live, +And surely as I live, I am a maid. + + + +DON PEDRO +The former Hero! Hero that is dead! + + + +LEONATO +She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived. + + + +FRIAR FRANCIS +All this amazement can I qualify: +When after that the holy rites are ended, +I'll tell you largely of fair Hero's death: +Meantime let wonder seem familiar, +And to the chapel let us presently. + + + +BENEDICK +Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice? + + + +BEATRICE +Unmasking I answer to that name. What is your will? + + + +BENEDICK +Do not you love me? + + + +BEATRICE +Why, no; no more than reason. + + + +BENEDICK +Why, then your uncle and the prince and Claudio +Have been deceived; they swore you did. + + + +BEATRICE +Do not you love me? + + + +BENEDICK +Troth, no; no more than reason. + + + +BEATRICE +Why, then my cousin Margaret and Ursula +Are much deceived; for they did swear you did. + + + +BENEDICK +They swore that you were almost sick for me. + + + +BEATRICE +They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me. + + + +BENEDICK +'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me? + + + +BEATRICE +No, truly, but in friendly recompense. + + + +LEONATO +Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman. + + + +CLAUDIO +And I'll be sworn upon't that he loves her; +For here's a paper written in his hand, +A halting sonnet of his own pure brain, +Fashion'd to Beatrice. + + + +HERO +And here's another +Writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket, +Containing her affection unto Benedick. + + + +BENEDICK +A miracle! here's our own hands against our hearts. +Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take +thee for pity. + + + +BEATRICE +I would not deny you; but, by this good day, I yield +upon great persuasion; and partly to save your life, +for I was told you were in a consumption. + + + +BENEDICK +Peace! I will stop your mouth. + + + +Kissing her + + +DON PEDRO +How dost thou, Benedick, the married man? + + + +BENEDICK +I'll tell thee what, prince; a college of +wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour. Dost +thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? No: +if a man will be beaten with brains, a' shall wear +nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do +purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any +purpose that the world can say against it; and +therefore never flout at me for what I have said +against it; for man is a giddy thing, and this is my +conclusion. For thy part, Claudio, I did think to +have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my +kinsman, live unbruised and love my cousin. + + + +CLAUDIO +I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, +that I might have cudgelled thee out of thy single +life, to make thee a double-dealer; which, out of +question, thou wilt be, if my cousin do not look +exceedingly narrowly to thee. + + + +BENEDICK +Come, come, we are friends: let's have a dance ere +we are married, that we may lighten our own hearts +and our wives' heels. + + + +LEONATO +We'll have dancing afterward. + + + +BENEDICK +First, of my word; therefore play, music. Prince, +thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife: +there is no staff more reverend than one tipped with horn. + + + +Enter a Messenger + + +Messenger +My lord, your brother John is ta'en in flight, +And brought with armed men back to Messina. + + + +BENEDICK +Think not on him till to-morrow: +I'll devise thee brave punishments for him. +Strike up, pipers. + + +Dance +Exeunt + + + -- cgit v1.2.3